remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
