nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
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Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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