dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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