the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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