My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
