did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
