Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
