so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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