im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
