when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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