it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
