FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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