I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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