Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
