You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
