the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
