problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
