she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
