we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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