you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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