just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
