i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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