I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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