noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
