Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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