if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
