i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
