Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
