i just had sex bonerless
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
40s are totally the cure
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
