i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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