I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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