that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
