Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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