It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
