what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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