you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
