Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
