Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
