I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
