I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
