If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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