Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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