Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
