Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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