I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
