she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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