Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
