How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Houston, we have a blender
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
