i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
