Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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