david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize