This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it was like his penis was on wheels.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
