thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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