we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
