i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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