Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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