Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
