And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
