so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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