Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
