Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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