I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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