Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
