im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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