New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
