i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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