There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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