wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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