when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
