i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
