my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
