my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
