is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
