I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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