Nicole vs. Life
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
