I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
