yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
