we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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