Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
