If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
