First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
